Managing the Madness

One of the most common phrases I hear as a full-time working, as-present-as-possible Mom is, "I don't know how you do it all."

At this time, I'd like to thank my ever-present feelings of anxiety, my overall abandonment issues, and my very dry sense of humor and aggressive communication style for really stepping up in this regard. Really creates that drive for success cocktail that I am constantly sipping on. Choking on. Drowning in. Sometimes it's like one of the banana boat cocktails in a bucket, guys.

In all reality, I don't know how not to do it all.

Especially when it comes to my kids. I don't want to miss a single second of this time in their lives where they still want me to be a part of every single thing they do. Sometimes I google tranquilizers for children, but that's normal for that feral Golden Hour, right?

I have a very goal-driven personality. I have to have something to work toward, whether short- or long- term. This might be borderline or full-fledged OCD (I'll rabbit hole Google that later), but I do know a lot of my success can attributed to this part of myself.

The bulk of my professional work centers around facets of project management - telling people what to do and when to do it, and the best way to say it, as well as timeline accountability. All of these tasks align well with being a mother.

So, I guess that's my number one trick - I don't have different personas for my professional and personal lives.

Now obviously I'm not talking politics or seggsy life in the workplace, but I don't dull myself to my coworkers like I have in the past. That's to say - if I'm exhausted because my almost 3-year-old decided to rave in da club at 1:37am (aka wake me up by whispering "mommy" two inches from my face then sob hysterically when I grunt a long-forgotten language at her), well I tell someone on the 7am meeting they scheduled that I'm still sipping my coffee and am as present as I can be in this moment.

I don't think you should have to be two different people in any scope of your life, and if you are, maybe that's contributing to your mental exhaustion?

I think the other aspect I prioritize in all aspects of my life is being as emotionally aware as I can, which goes hand-in-hand with understanding communication styles.

I know that I am more comfortable communicating if I can find a personal connection with someone, so this tends to mean I need longer conversations because I like lots of words. 

I have a friend who is a very analytical thinker. He needs facts and logic, so I need to trim fluff to get a lucrative conversation. I have another friend who is a problem-solver, and always wants to help find the solution, so I need to make sure I am clear about when I need a solution versus when I just need to spout off.

These are very manageable twists to make to my communication style.

My last manager needed to feel like a crucial person in the room. Lady Opportunity felt being important meant being acknowledged and at the forefront in all regards. She also was incredibly disorganized and frequently forgot things she said or someone else said to her. I had to constantly be hyper-conscious of exactly what I said and how I said it at all times.

That was freaking exhausting.

I try to keep my direct circle to people who I don't need to worry about being myself with. And I've definitely prioritized ensuring my professional life is with people who align to those standards.

There's too many things to do, too little time, and not enough coffee and cake to binge on to do otherwise.

So, maybe it seems I'm managing the madness, but I am actually managing myself in a way that allows the rest to follow. Sometimes I'm lounging on my back in the metaphorically delectable waters off the Grecian coast, and other times I'm hanging on for dear life in the torrential North Sea.

It's a balance, and maybe sometimes you need more of mellow and others you need the chaos to show yourself you can thrive.

Maybe sometimes you need to be more Mom than BFF, and that's okay?

Maybe you need to be less Mom, and more a partner, and that's understandable?

Maybe you need to stick to a boundary even if it's not aligning with someone else's boundary, and that's your right, because every person deserves mental peace?

And maybe, just maybe, you're actually handling it all far better than you think, because you're still breathing, the cat's still purring, the kids are still feral, and you're safe and alive and maybe emotional eating but we can tackle that on another post.

Stay messy, friends.

How Much Do I Want This Today? Holding steady at a 7/10. It's been a long week, and it's okay to give a 7/10. If that's all you have to give, and you give it all, that's still 100%.

What I'm Currently Reading: Started Variation by Rebecca Yarros. It's hinging a bit heavy in the YA tropes, so it's a slow read for me.

Current Mom Hack: We're entering birthday season in my house. My youngest is Valentine's Day, my oldest is three weeks later, which is the same day as my wedding anniversary, then a week later is my birthday. I make a lot of cakes. My youngest wanted dino themed this year, and I picked up these for the party and am pretty excited about it: 3 Rex Decoration Kit, adorable pink dino pinata, and, of course, glitter dino tattoos, because we love the tats in our house.