How Much I Want This

I am a 90s baby, so I grew up with Monica obesity jokes and the rollover idea that Twiggy was an achievable body and the ultimate goal for every woman. I grew up with Dr. Oz and his diet of the week. I thought having any kind of belly meant you're fat. I always knew I was heavier than everyone else.  I think the earliest memory I have regarding my weight was probably around 8, there's this photo of me with an older cousin standing next to the lake and my belly hung over my swimsuit. I knew I had a bigger belly, and that I shouldn't, but I think I knew knew when I was in sixth grade, walking to the playground after lunch with another girl who told me she sucked in her belly all the time so she would look skinnier. I remember thinking that seemed like a lot of work, and I tried it, and it was a lot of work. Middle school was traumatic for me, as I think it is for most people. You throw puberty into a container and you get a lot of rage. I developed Graves disease during middl...

One of the most common phrases I hear as a full-time working, as-present-as-possible Mom is, "I don't know how you do it all." At this time, I'd like to thank my ever-present feelings of anxiety, my overall abandonment issues, and my very dry sense of humor and aggressive communication style for really stepping up in this regard. Really creates that drive for success cocktail that I am constantly sipping on. Choking on. Drowning in. Sometimes it's like one of the banana boat cocktails in a bucket, guys. In all reality, I don't know how not to do it all. Especially when it comes to my kids. I don't want to miss a single second of this time in their lives where they still want me to be a part of every single thing they do. Sometimes I google tranquilizers for children, but that's normal for that feral Golden Hour, right? I have a very goal-driven personality. I have to have something to work toward, whether short- or long- term. This might be borderline...

If Braden Bales didn't start in your head just now, do yourself a favor  and check his song out  because it definitely resonates for me. It's been ten years since I've put my thoughts in a blog, and since I don't have enough of *literally so much going on*, why not just add one more thing??? When I ended my last blog, Quite Literally Me (cringing hard right now), I was a fresh college grad with almost as much angst as Harry Potter in Order of the Phoenix - if you're not getting the HP references this might not be the blog for you. And also maybe look at your choices? I'm betting a 9 3/4 out 10 chance that you're making some wrong ones. For those who do not know me, I am a mom of two wonderfully chaotic little girls, wife to a very grounded man, and pet mom of a crazy cockapoo and calico cat (named Callie, we're not terribly original over here). My full-time day job is content and proposal management for a parking technology company, and I also do contra...